Join New York Times bestselling author and behavior change expert, Joseph Grenny, as he teaches a model for helping yourself, your spouse, and your children overcome bad behaviors and develop new healthy and harmonious habits.
Friday, September 20, 2013
7:00 – 8:30 p.m.
Provo City Library Grand Ball Room (550 North University Ave.)
$7.00 per person
A few Tips from the Author:
Bad habits run rampant and it’s no different at home. Your husband’s diet is less than exemplary. Your son spends far too much time in front of the TV. Your daughter cares more about her social calendar than her grades. And you can’t pass up a sale, putting your budget at risk each and every month. What’s worse, your attempts to try and change these bad habits have only ended in discouragement, tears, and maybe even a few heated words.
You’re not alone. It turns out that fewer than one in twenty of us succeed when we set out to change some longstanding habit that has kept us from improving a relationship, advancing our career, getting healthier, or become more financially fit.
Generally, our change plans fall into one of two traps
- The Willpower Trap – We believe gritting our teeth and toughing it out is the key to success. But after a few weeks of self-denial, we succumb to temptation, then conclude we lack the fortitude to make it stick. So, we fall back into old patterns until some life crisis forces us to get back on the Cold Turkey treadmill. Most of us fail to change because we’re caught in a mental trap—we call it the Willpower Trap. We believe that the best predictor of our capacity to change is the quantity of willpower we possess. So, when we fail, we blame ourselves—and our apparently anemic commitment.
- The Magic Bullet Trap – The belief that you can kill a long-standing bad habit with a single new pill, gadget or fad. When we give up on willpower, we hope a simple, magic answer will do the trick and help us change. A friend will lose weight and we’ll buy the same diet book. Or a neighbor gets out of debt with a new iPhone app so we download it too. Yet, within months we’re back looking for the next quick fix. The problem with the magic bullet approach is that it assumes one simple change will get us to overcome deeply intractable patterns of behavior. These change strategies fail because there isn’t one reason we’re doing what we’re doing—there are six—and unless we address all six, we’re as likely to win at change as a person in a one-against-six tug of war.
But there’s a better way. It’s possible to design personal change that actually works. It’s based on four simple but powerful ideas:
- Escape the willpower trap. The first step to succeeding at change is realizing that the problem is not that you lack willpower—it’s that you’re blind and outnumbered. You’re blind to the many forces that shape your behavior, and you’re outnumbered six to one by those you aren’t taking advantage of.
- Become the Scientist and the Subject. Most of us shop for magic bullets as though someone else might have figured out the key to changing you. They haven’t. No one knows all of the unique dynamics that affect your relationships, career, finances or health. So you’ll have to discover the key to changing you. You’ll have to embark on a scientific study of your own behavior and devise a plan that addresses the unique influences present in your life.
- Turn bad days into good data. When you begin to look at change this way you begin to realize that when you fail to change, the problem is not you, it’s your plan. The moment things don’t go well is the ideal learning moment to analyze what was missing from your plan, add it to what you already new, and move forward to predictable success.
- Engage six sources of influence. Whether we know it or not, our behavior is governed by a complex web of influences. Our personal values, our knowledge and skills, our social circles, our reward systems, and our environment are all working either for—or against—our willpower to change. Change literally becomes inevitable when all of the sources of influence that were provoking you into bad habits are turned in your favor
Join me on Friday, September 20th at a special Utah Valley Community Date Night event where I’ll teach you how to be successful in not only changing your own, but your family members’ behavior.